Friday, December 12, 2014

Not Michelin Rated

I had been doing a spot of Christmas shopping. (I hate shopping in general and Christmas shopping in specific but a body's got to do what a body's got to do.) It was 2:00, I still hadn't eaten lunch and I was more than a little hungry so, in a moment of lunacy, drove through a McDonalds and picked up two cheeseburgers. I thought I was hungrier than one cheeseburger, knew I wasn't as hungry as two, but since I was on my way home I figured I would just share my second cheeseburger with Ray.

When I arrived home, I was greeted at the front door. I got Ray's usual half-hearted tail-wag, the one that says "Oh, it's you again? I was hoping for someone better" but since I was carrying a sack of food, was then trailed by the hound into the kitchen.

Thinking I needed a laugh after my fruitless shopping expedition, I extracted a french fry ('chip' for the British contingent) and handed it to the Nose who was intently sniffing at the countertop where resided the sack. As expected, Ray, a dog of exquisite taste and sensibility, curled his lips back, took the fry gingerly between his teeth so that it could touch no part of his anatomy, and spat it contemptuously on the ground. I laughed.

I then took the remaining burger out of the bag, tore it in half, removed the bun, the pickle, and the ketchup and handed it to the dog. Ray, never having had a McDonalds cheeseburger before, took it suspiciously. Holding it in his teeth by one edge, he flapped it up and down a bit then, determining through the flapping process that it was indeed food, Ray let the cheeseburger enter his mouth. A great display of head bobbing and theatrical chewing ensued. At length, the small piece of burger was consumed. What passes for cheese, however, was expelled as a slimy glob onto the kitchen floor. The discriminating dog had spoken loudly without uttering a sound.

8 comments:

  1. So I guess McDonald's won't be contacting Ray anytime soon to promote their menu? ;)

    Ray cracks me up. Blueberry is not so discriminating. She once ate a part of a hamburger that had obviously been on the ground for some time before I could stop her. I told her that wasn't very ladylike; she burped.

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    1. hahahahahahaha. I'm guessing he wouldn't be the best spokesdog for their product. Makes you wonder what the heck that cheese is, doesn't it?
      I've never seen Ray try to eat anything off of the ground although yesterday I found him chewing on a pinecone. So much for discriminating taste...

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  2. I'm not entirely convinced that McDonalds does actually qualify as food. But sometimes needs must. I unwisely consumed burger king veggie 'food' twice last week, (on the road) bleargh.

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    1. At least BK offers a veggie-burger. The only veg alternative at McD's is a 'salad'. Truly bleargh.

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  3. my boys would of gulped the whole thing down -pickle and all :)

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  4. Ray has confirmed all my suspicions. He is my new food taster!

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    1. Ray is happy to oblige but would like to exclude the following food items:
      a. all vegetables
      b. all fruit
      c. all cheese except cheddar and swiss

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