Friday, April 6, 2012

Instructions: Please read all dialogue with a charming British accent

Last night, Ray friends, Niki and Jez, came to dinner. They arrived by Jean's Special Taxi Service at about 7:00, which is well after Ray's bedtime. Despite this, Ray roused himself from a sound sleep and greeted them at the door, absolutely ecstatic to see them. He grabbed Niki's wrist, then hands, then wrist again while Niki gushed over the excited dog. Niki turned away from the dog to greet Gregg.
"Why don't you do mine?" Jez asked Ray, offering him a wrist while Niki piled gifts into Gregg's hands.
Ray obliged, taking Jez's wrist in his mouth, chewing it a couple of times.
"Do you think it's a bone?" asked Jez. Ray stood for a minute, holding the beefy wrist in his mouth (Jez is about the size of a small mountain) trying to decide if he could take this one out in the backyard and bury it for later. He thought the better of it and let Jez go who was then able to shake hands with Gregg.
Ray wasn't finished with his greeting though. Obviously remembering the sweet kisses that he got from Niki the other day, Ray jumped up and planted one on her face, then tried to do the same to Jez but came up short. (Did I mention that he is the size of a small mountain).
I commanded my dog to flop, but now that he is an international superstar, he does things on his own time. Ray eventually flopped and was fawned over by his adoring fans.

Niki then unveiled a special treat that she had made for our blind dog.
"These are made with mushed up peas and carrots," she said, revealing a box of dog biscuits, one with Ray's name on it.
"Don't be too offended if he doesn't eat it," I replied, "Ray doesn't eat anything vegetal."
Ray, who of course LOVES to prove me wrong, ate it with relish.
"Could you send me the recipe," I asked, chagrined but not surprised.
Ray's special dog biscuit
(I find it ironic that the only photo that isn't blurry is the one where I cut off the head of our guest)
After another minute or two of belly rubs, Ray disappeared.
"Where's Ray?" asked Niki.
"He went over there," said Jez pointing into the family room. "Is that his couch? The one that was in the photo with the plastic draped over it?"
Ray was back in bed, curled up on his favorite pillow on his favorite couch.
"Yes," I replied, "that's it."(I thought briefly of charging admission for a tour of Ray's favorite sites - "Over here we have Ray's favorite couch. And out here is where he buries his bones. And this is Ray's favorite cat's bed. And here is where he carried a carton of eggs and ate them." - then shook off the image of me as tour guide to the stars and re-entered reality.)
After a quick cocktail and some scintillating conversation, we all retired to the dining room for a brilliant vegetarian meal (Ray's friends are vegetarians) prepared by Jean's Taxi Service with help from Gregg's Catering.
After the meal, I asked, "So, would you like to meet Ray's cats?"
An affirmative response took us all upstairs to the cat room. We were all making a fuss over our old lady, Moonie, (Hugo was outside) when all of a sudden Ray appeared and made a mad dash for the cat food dish. Jez snagged Ray's collar and dragged him away, then he (Jez) sat down on the floor to get some face time with the star.
We made plans for a hike the next day, called the taxi into service, and all retired for the night.


  1. Before anyone who knows me falls off their chair laughing, the aforementioned hike is planned for around an hour .....and after my pre-training in NYC I am actually capable of surviving that ....we had a lovely evening being royally entertained by Ray's live-in staff and we and he are lined up for an exclusive invite-only bonfire banquet this evening, autographs and licks may be pre-booked and are strictly limited as we don't want to exhaust the guests of honour.

    1. You are definately having fun, you may be able to bribe me not to tell the Pooches waiting here so patiently for your return, I'm afraid Conor on my lap is just not going to happen, sad I know. Sounds like we might have to put the bunting out to celebrate your return.

  2. Niki & Jez, you are so lucky to actually get to meet Ray and his entourage. I hope you have a very very good time (I hope you get to meet Rays' chat noir, Hugo) Have a lovely time and please pass on to Ray and family that even tho we would love to visit too, we will have to live vicariously thru your visit and the observations and love passed on by Jean, of Jeans Taxi Service. Happy hiking to all...

  3. Sadly Hugo was unable to bring himself to actually be introduced to us but we did glimpse him moving around the house at various times, Moonie was more amenable and happily submitted herself to strokes and ear scratches. We had a most enjoyable visit and I can thoroughly recommmend both Jeans taxi's and Greggs catering, and if you need a beer and bonfire party organised they have it down to a tee. Ray is perfectly willing to endure endless tummy rubs in pursuit of fame and we predict an ever growing fan base :-D